There’s a line in one of my favorite Switchfoot songs, Dare You to Move. It goes:
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I read those words recently, and honestly nothing struck home more. Lately, I’ve felt myself stuck in the frustration of who I could be and how I think things “should” be.
I’ve discovered that college feels like this weird, hopeful but frustrating time. The world is at my fingertips in some sense. But a lot of days, I just don’t know what to do with it.
I have unfinished journal after unfinished journal, because there are too many words in my head. I have dream after dream that I haven’t told anyone about because disappointment is something I’m most scared of.
I sit in my room too often, stuck in my daydreams. I chase them in circles in my brain, until they spin themselves into frustration and I fall into a hole of “should bes.”
Should bes that cause me to be hard on myself like:
I should be farther along in my dream of writing a book.
I should have a better answer for what I want to do with my life.
I should be a better daughter, sister, friend and relative.
So many more follow suit. Should bes that scream frustration for the people I love.
Shoulds bes are painted with hurt from broken dreams.
And should bes that get in the way of dreams that I haven’t even pursued.
So often, I don’t live in the present. I get trapped in the tension of the ways I think things should be.
I think of the future and dream of all I want to be and get stuck in a circle of “could be.”
But the frustration is where I think I get tripped up.
I get frustrated that my “could bes” and “should bes” aren’t reality because of how fast paced everything is in today’s world.
Comparison is at the core, and I believe that it drives so many people down.
The thing I’ve had to learn lately is to not live in the “should bes.”
The fact of our instant gratification world makes me believe that a lot of dreams are dead, just because I don’t have them right now.
When in fact they’re not dead, they’re just not here yet.
I think the thing I’ve found peace in is learning to love my pace. It may not be as fast as the person next to me, but that’s okay.
Some of my friends are graduating early with not one, but two degrees. I’m smiling, and suiting up for “sophomore year 2.0,” as I like to call it. Because right now, your pal here isn’t graduating on time.
But I’ve learned that that is perfectly fine.
“Should bes” and “could bes” are dangerous things in my opinion.
Because so often, they instantly turn into frustration.
But I think there’s actually so much excitement in all the “could bes” in my life. The dreams that might happen.
And there’s freedom in leaving the “should bes” behind.
“Could bes” are something that still have the capability to come true and “should bes” are something that can lead to so much freedom when you let them go. I see “could bes” as something I might still have a chance to control and “should bes” as something that I don’t necessarily have that chance with.
But all of that is freeing, hopeful and okay.
The tension is here. And that is a good thing.